Funerals By Berl Shaw

The funeral you choose is your first public acknowledgement that someone close to you has died. As such, it's crucial that it be as 'right' as possible.
Choose your Celebrant carefully. Some people have their family Minister or Priest as the obvious choice at this time. But if the person who died was not 'religious' think of their wishes. Would they like to have a 'religious ceremony'? I always feel it's an awful imposition to have a church service for someone who wouldn't have chosen this for themself, just because it's 'traditional', or because guilt leads those left to feel they 'should' do this.

A carefully chosen Civil Celebrant may be more fitting. You want someone who will come into the family home and spend (usually) a couple of hours gathering information about the deceased person's life, helping you search out the most appropriate Poetry, Music, Prose pieces; the right person to say something about their dead friend, parent, child, other relative. Someone who'll check out everything they've written for the service beforehand, to make sure there are no inadvertent errors. Someone who'll give you a presentation copy of the ceremony (I always also offer additional presentation copies, for a small fee, if other close members of the family wish to have this for a remembrance).

Poetry has to be something meaningful. Something the deceased liked, for their own reasons. An offering of the family that expresses the way they feel about this person, or about their loss. A poem or prose piece about hope for the future. About the person who's died or for those left behind. The same goes for the music you choose. As a plus, I offer my own original poetry, as something unique for my clients, if they find something appropriate in what I've written (of course I don't force them on anyone - tastes in poetry are very individual).

I find it a very sad funeral service that doesn't have some of the funny stories from that person's life in it and this is often where other people's stories come in.

Think about symbols when you have a funeral. Flowers to place on the coffin, or take from the coffin to keep at home; Candles brought up as a symbol of the way your lives have meshed with those of the deceased person. Items that say something about their life experience.

Will you be affronted if I say that I enjoy funerals? By this of course I mean that, as a Civil Celebrant of many years, I experience great satisfaction from helping people through this most distressing time in their lives. No praise is higher to me than the thanks I receive afterwards, from the families and friends of those I've buried. And it's lovely to be contacted later to conduct a further service - whether a funeral, marriage, naming, post bereavement ceremony - for the same family.

A sample from testimonials about funeral services I've conducted:

'Beryl Good morning,
Let me thank you sincerely for conducting the service for Marj at the parlour and graveside yesterday.
The format of the service was excellent and so personal that several friends and relatives asked if you had known Marj, as the manner in which you conducted the service was so personal and that is what we had requested. We had asked the Funeral Director for someone sincere and warm. He knew exactly who that celebrant should be and we thank him for that contact.
Regards ---- B. W.

Dear Beryl,
I want to thank you so very much for your kindness, understanding and the help you were to me and my family. The whole experience was rather beautiful in a way. I shall never forget you and your name and phone number is in my diary.
With deep appreciation ----- L.M.

Hi Beryl
Just a note to thank you for your excellent support and guidance through the planning of my mother's funeral service.
Everyone was impressed with your professionalism, particularly my elderly aunt and uncle who are planning to go out in similar style!
Do look after yourself. The world needs more people like you.
Kindest regards ---- J.M.